My kids do team sports. Usually I take them to training. One of them is doing a very popular and successful sport, the other one is doing something not so popular. Both of them love playing their sport. Unfortunately, I realized, that I don't like them so much.

I have read earlier The Idle Parent book. It had a chapter, that talks against sports. When I was reading it, I didn't agree with the statements there. Surprisingly. Surprisingly, because I had always had (and still have) problems with the amount of trainings, the competitiveness and in general the value what team sports give to children.

Digression: I used to go to trainings. It was not a teams sport but I had 6 trainings a week. Sometimes 7. During the summer we had morning and afternoon trainings every day. Except weekends. On weekends we had competitions. I must admit that I have some really good memories from that time. But I have spent an insane amount there. Compering to other activities, the good memories are scarce.

Last week, my daughter was told, that she should play in another colour. I met her at the field, where she told me this and that she doesn't know where to get the proper jersey from. So I went to the boys changing room, where the trainer and the helpers were. I was sent off by the trainer on an unacceptable way, that parents are not allowed into the changing room. Apparently there was a new rule exposed at the beginning of the week, but as I had never gone into the changing rooms - fathers were not allowed into the girls changing room (whilst mothers could enter the boys room - lol), and I had no intention to do so anyway - so I didn't know about it. However, the whole situation made me thinking if this is really what I prefer when it comes to raising kids.

• Strict rules that everybody must obey without questioning them or anybody every explaining the why.
• Very competitive atmosphere - nevertheless, they want to have players in the "big team"
• Invest insane amount of time into something that I don't want my kids to do. In U9 they have 4 trainings + a tournament a week. Every second week an early morning session, where I'm not allowing my daughter to go - kids must sleep, they need it.

Digression: I love hiking. My whole family is a hiking family. I was hiking already when I could walk. The only time when I hiked less was those years when I did competitive sport trainings.

I have spent significantly less time hiking than training until age 18, when I stopped training. Yet, I have an order of magnitude more good memories from hiking. I have learnt much more life skills from camping in the wild with 10-15 people, than a week spent in training camps. I still learnt working in a team, working to a common goal, helping each other, how to survive, etc.

When my kids were younger, I was checking the local scouting clubs, so my kids could join. After they started the sport, they got hardly any free time, so I forgot this whole thing. I was just taking them to trainings. I forgot to think about the purpose of the whole thing.

As unacceptable the voice of the trainer was, and as upset I was, as grateful I am now. I now know that this is not the right thing for my kids to do. I have already cancelled the tournament on the weekend, and we are going to go skiing. As a family. I wanted to go snowshoeing, but I was voted down. It's okay. This is the first step. Next time we go snowshoeing. We are going to make a bonfire in the snow. Cook something, probably even stay overnight and enjoy the sky. As we did over the X-mas break and the kids really enjoyed it.

Digression: I stopped trainings twice. First at age of 16 and finally at age of 17. I said I stopped it because there was no way forward. There was no pro club in the town. But, if I want to be frank, I never wanted to be a pro. I loved - and still love - doing sports, loved going to training and have fun with the others. But I wanted to go to university.

Side note: Even though I got a university degree, I still go hiking.

There are some studies that people leave sports during their teenage. This one says, sport is 'not fun any more'. I believe this is the cause of the conflict of interests. Kids go there to move and have fun with the team. The club wants a couple of good players around the age 16-18-20 (it depends on the sport). And they optimize for that. Not for fun, not for long term commitment to the sport, but to those couple of pro players they can sell.

I have never heard hiking clubs or scouts sell their talents for money. Well. Their focus is somewhat different. They are much closer to my (imagined) way of parenting.